Another day no other dollar
lol
lameness aside(but not for TOO long, don't worry!) I was lying awake last night, staring up into the darkness veiled across the ceiling, it's a funny moment, just staring out into what during the daytime would be just an ordinary room, yet at night it comes alive somehow. At night it tells a different story.
yeah I'm in my mid 20's more or less, but I'm human and at night I still get paranoid to an extent.
If I'm tired but not enough to actually sleep but I don't want to go on my laptop or tablet etc
I'll just lay there, losing myself in the thoughts that arise in the darkness of that room.
Losing time, losing sleep, losing my mind.
really, it just suddenly turns into this whirlwind of semi-fear, both afraid of what may be in the darkness while "knowing" I'm safe.
It's strange, because come the light of day it all feels so silly having been SO paranoid over literally nothing yet once darkness falls again, it doesn't feel so silly anymore.
Now, truthfully, I don't really BELIEVE believe in anything paranormal or supernatural yet I do love the concept of it all.
I suppose that paranoia may be just some part of me that actually hopes somethings going bump in the night.
you ever know you made a typo or used the wrong form of a word etc
lol I've noticed a few things in my posts I've messed up and at the time I even noticed them before I posted YET I ignored it.
kind of a big meh moment
I dunno, it just didn't feel like a BIG deal, I mean the point still gets made and it doesn't hurt anyone...I mean if it DID hurt anyone then obviously I'd have to be vry carefull and not make to manny misstakes her, wouldnt wanna hurt noone.
;{ P (man winking with mustache and tongue out!)
this is supposed to be raw, straight from the tap, my mind to yours ( or technically I guess, my mind, through my fingers, formed into written word, posted, then read through your eyes, and THEN into your mind...but that sounds like..soo long)
I'm going to try something new here, just to try and feel this whole blog thing out, so get used to the format of these blog posts changing sporadically..(spo-ra-dickly! that's how I say it,you should too!)
so bear with me and who knows, a few weeks or months from now we could have this whole blog thing nailed down..or at least less rattled.
till next time dirty nerdys, take care and remember, InsanityRambles!
(oh yeah totally gunna nail down a sign off phrase one day!)
Sunday, 4 January 2015
Saturday, 3 January 2015
yonder..where...yonder..there!
You ever stop (unless you're driving, DON'T STOP!..unless it's red or a stop sign...STOP! for the love of god STOP! think of the children..now think of the children you'd actually NOT want to hit and run-over) and just think about the words we use or where they came from.
like all of these words from start to finish here that I am writing..la la la la la
they came from somewhere, and I don't just mean there origins, I mean why they were created and why they mean what they mean, how did ancient people KNOW to associate these words so specifically or near specifically with meanings and descriptions and so on.
seriously it's astounding
and then yeah we grow up and learn but to some extent we just seem to instinctively know how to use these words (not to the GREATEST ability :P but still).
like it really is passed down through our genetics and our minds from generation to generation with the needed upgrades and modifications every century or so.
it's so amazing!
at least I think so
you ever look up random facts online and then deny them outright..like hmm that's interesting..NOPE! that's a lie, you lie...liar faced liar!!!
because just sometimes, (yes I just wrote that) the "facts" seem SO outlandish that you cannot grasp it's factuality (not a word but should TOTALLY be a word).
I guess I'm just trying to say that sometimes what "is" and why it is the way it is...just feels so strange lol
it's a huge part of our lives(language, these facts we for the most part accept and believe and so on)we can have whole belief systems and view points based around these things that we have been brought up to accept and not deeply dig into.
and that's okay I guess, I mean the world hasn't ended right? :P
but it's still just ..strange if you really stop and think about it.
strange and wonderful all at the same time.
human kind did all this, created all of these things that today we still follow and believe and trust.
it's kind of beautiful, even more so if you try not to think too much about it...lol
that's this segment of insanityrambles (really need a better sign off..don't worry I'll find my groove :P I mean this is just day 2 right)
take care stranger dangers!
and try not to think TOO hard ;)
like all of these words from start to finish here that I am writing..la la la la la
they came from somewhere, and I don't just mean there origins, I mean why they were created and why they mean what they mean, how did ancient people KNOW to associate these words so specifically or near specifically with meanings and descriptions and so on.
seriously it's astounding
and then yeah we grow up and learn but to some extent we just seem to instinctively know how to use these words (not to the GREATEST ability :P but still).
like it really is passed down through our genetics and our minds from generation to generation with the needed upgrades and modifications every century or so.
it's so amazing!
at least I think so
you ever look up random facts online and then deny them outright..like hmm that's interesting..NOPE! that's a lie, you lie...liar faced liar!!!
because just sometimes, (yes I just wrote that) the "facts" seem SO outlandish that you cannot grasp it's factuality (not a word but should TOTALLY be a word).
I guess I'm just trying to say that sometimes what "is" and why it is the way it is...just feels so strange lol
it's a huge part of our lives(language, these facts we for the most part accept and believe and so on)we can have whole belief systems and view points based around these things that we have been brought up to accept and not deeply dig into.
and that's okay I guess, I mean the world hasn't ended right? :P
but it's still just ..strange if you really stop and think about it.
strange and wonderful all at the same time.
human kind did all this, created all of these things that today we still follow and believe and trust.
it's kind of beautiful, even more so if you try not to think too much about it...lol
that's this segment of insanityrambles (really need a better sign off..don't worry I'll find my groove :P I mean this is just day 2 right)
take care stranger dangers!
and try not to think TOO hard ;)
Who you are...Implode no Explode.
I write differently here, I try to write how it comes out in my mind or from my mouth.
Raw, unfiltered( to an extent).
I'm really doing my best to just relax and put myself out there but putting yourself out there even just online, where it's usually easier to put yourself out there, can be hard..sometimes.
all that life stuff and s**t storms I've had to navigate through, well yeah they've made it harder, exponentially harder to put myself out there, digitally or otherwise.
but writing it out, like this, where it's just raw and flowing and most of the time makes no real grammatical sense lol, it just soothes me on some level, you know?
and that's "you know" in both the figurative, symbolic no one is really defined as the "you" in the "you know" as well as actually being "you" the reader.
lol (putting this "lol" helps to soothe me as well :P..but enough vulnerability! mooooving on)
So, this blog, this memoir of the past, present and future.
where stories unfolded, that are unfolding and that will unfold are being told all at once.
This is not JUST about building a following, or a loyal group of potential readers..it's about building a connection. It's about reaching out and showing people I'm just like them and they are just like me, if you scrape off all of the bulls**t and masks that we bury ourselves in, we are the same and we can connect and share some form of experience and I'm moving on again because this is getting too after school specialary :P
I guess really at the heart of it, what I'm TRYING to say is, This is a part of me, and it will HOPEFULLY reach a part of you that recognizes this part of me.
if it does and down the line that makes you curious enough or interested enough to invest in me and buy my novels, novellas etc
then great and thank you and so on :P
but if not then, you suck! f**k you!
....lol no, if not then oh well, I move on and keep writing.
you don't know until you try and I guess I was too afraid to REALLY try until now.
but hey that's enough "sharing" for now.
hope you weirdos enjoyed it (although not TOO much, you sick freaks!)
so I hope you keep on reading, and if you do, I'll keep on posting.
years only just begun, right? ;)
this message brought to you From The Mind of RSR!
Raw, unfiltered( to an extent).
I'm really doing my best to just relax and put myself out there but putting yourself out there even just online, where it's usually easier to put yourself out there, can be hard..sometimes.
all that life stuff and s**t storms I've had to navigate through, well yeah they've made it harder, exponentially harder to put myself out there, digitally or otherwise.
but writing it out, like this, where it's just raw and flowing and most of the time makes no real grammatical sense lol, it just soothes me on some level, you know?
and that's "you know" in both the figurative, symbolic no one is really defined as the "you" in the "you know" as well as actually being "you" the reader.
lol (putting this "lol" helps to soothe me as well :P..but enough vulnerability! mooooving on)
So, this blog, this memoir of the past, present and future.
where stories unfolded, that are unfolding and that will unfold are being told all at once.
This is not JUST about building a following, or a loyal group of potential readers..it's about building a connection. It's about reaching out and showing people I'm just like them and they are just like me, if you scrape off all of the bulls**t and masks that we bury ourselves in, we are the same and we can connect and share some form of experience and I'm moving on again because this is getting too after school specialary :P
I guess really at the heart of it, what I'm TRYING to say is, This is a part of me, and it will HOPEFULLY reach a part of you that recognizes this part of me.
if it does and down the line that makes you curious enough or interested enough to invest in me and buy my novels, novellas etc
then great and thank you and so on :P
but if not then, you suck! f**k you!
....lol no, if not then oh well, I move on and keep writing.
you don't know until you try and I guess I was too afraid to REALLY try until now.
but hey that's enough "sharing" for now.
hope you weirdos enjoyed it (although not TOO much, you sick freaks!)
so I hope you keep on reading, and if you do, I'll keep on posting.
years only just begun, right? ;)
this message brought to you From The Mind of RSR!
Insom..nom..nom..nom..narnia!
Because honestly why not (in reference to the post title)
So it's pretty late..or early?..or I dunno
perspectives a B****
can't sleep, head, eye..pain!
grragfghhsdgfdfs
that's how it feels, it feels unpronounceable, like foreign peoples names..(we all be thinkin' it..mhmm..apparently that snowboarder has transmogrified into a ...black-ish, female figure..sorry..lol)
I'm thinking about nothing all at once...wait..yeah that makes sense.?
watching bits of buffy on niteflix (cause it's netflix at nite...totally should make a porn site called netflixxx lol like netflix but with adult titles :D I'd totally...never sign up for that..I mean I respect people and women people and just porn is gah..gah porn gah..porn go sit in the corner!..but like you know..don't lose my number.)
on a more serious note (nope) this took me like an hour almost to write, cause all of the lights!..no all of the typos..(sorry kanye west song reference..good song..cray cray kanye) keep making me lose time, and this darn light of the screen hurts in the middle of the night lol
even with a screen dimmer on
plus I'm on my tablet right now because it's near my bed and my computer is not.
you ever get sick of a show and then months or years later just NEED to GOT to have it that instant or you'll die..or not die but not be that happy. yeah me too.
it was charmed last year and sporadically over the last few months.
but now it's buffy for some reason.
I know it's from the late 90's to early 2000's but come on, the cinematography just looks SO old in the first couple seasons lol like it makes me feel a lot older than I am (somewhere north of 22 but south of 32 wink wink..and it's not 31, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25 or 24 either ..so GOOD LUCK FIGURING IT OUT DUMMASSES)...(it's not insulting because you are the masses..du mmasses..the masses :D see it isn't mean it's funahy..ish)
anywho
I'm going to stop cause I'm running low on brain juice and in no way am I just ending this to look at porn, porn sucks go to hell porn..(but again..keep my number)
nope just going back to buffy.
buffy buffy buffy (..does Joss Whedon get paid every time I type Buffy..god I hope so!..he deserves it.)
so insanity rambles signing off or whatever I say cause I dunno it's too F*cking late :D
I'll get better at this (or at least my insanity and rambling will become more well rounded!)
night out there to all you weirdos! and good morning if you're a foreign weirdo, I don't want anybody to feel left out!
So it's pretty late..or early?..or I dunno
perspectives a B****
can't sleep, head, eye..pain!
grragfghhsdgfdfs
that's how it feels, it feels unpronounceable, like foreign peoples names..(we all be thinkin' it..mhmm..apparently that snowboarder has transmogrified into a ...black-ish, female figure..sorry..lol)
I'm thinking about nothing all at once...wait..yeah that makes sense.?
watching bits of buffy on niteflix (cause it's netflix at nite...totally should make a porn site called netflixxx lol like netflix but with adult titles :D I'd totally...never sign up for that..I mean I respect people and women people and just porn is gah..gah porn gah..porn go sit in the corner!..but like you know..don't lose my number.)
on a more serious note (nope) this took me like an hour almost to write, cause all of the lights!..no all of the typos..(sorry kanye west song reference..good song..cray cray kanye) keep making me lose time, and this darn light of the screen hurts in the middle of the night lol
even with a screen dimmer on
plus I'm on my tablet right now because it's near my bed and my computer is not.
you ever get sick of a show and then months or years later just NEED to GOT to have it that instant or you'll die..or not die but not be that happy. yeah me too.
it was charmed last year and sporadically over the last few months.
but now it's buffy for some reason.
I know it's from the late 90's to early 2000's but come on, the cinematography just looks SO old in the first couple seasons lol like it makes me feel a lot older than I am (somewhere north of 22 but south of 32 wink wink..and it's not 31, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25 or 24 either ..so GOOD LUCK FIGURING IT OUT DUMMASSES)...(it's not insulting because you are the masses..du mmasses..the masses :D see it isn't mean it's funahy..ish)
anywho
I'm going to stop cause I'm running low on brain juice and in no way am I just ending this to look at porn, porn sucks go to hell porn..(but again..keep my number)
nope just going back to buffy.
buffy buffy buffy (..does Joss Whedon get paid every time I type Buffy..god I hope so!..he deserves it.)
so insanity rambles signing off or whatever I say cause I dunno it's too F*cking late :D
I'll get better at this (or at least my insanity and rambling will become more well rounded!)
night out there to all you weirdos! and good morning if you're a foreign weirdo, I don't want anybody to feel left out!
Friday, 2 January 2015
Who you are...Digging Deep.
Intros and sidesteps aside, I'm RSR and yes that IS my real name('s initials :P)
I'm still new to this blogging thing so, bare with me!
As stated you should at least vaguely guess why I am here and devoting my time to writing this blog. I've decided to finally take this approach, to build up a following and an audience of loyal and dedicated readers that I could tap into when my first novel(and several shorter novellas) gets released.
I'll let details and tid bits about moi spill out and trickle down over time. For now just know that I'm a rambler and yes I'm most likely insane!
lol
To want to be a writer, I suppose you'd have to be at least partially insane.
I tried to get away from this lifestyle but it calls to me, by which I mean the ideas that swirl around inside my brain crane just wont slow down and writing them out, fleshing them out so they are detailed and well rounded, it just calms it all down.
Go ahead, google that away and webMD me ;) haha
jk but I'd totally do that and then have pseudo-evil genius thoughts about how I totally just "solved" this random online lunat...I mean person :D
hmm
speaking of rambling...(not that anyone was...what are these parenthesis for anyways..inner monologues?..) you ever get those pop-ups where it talks about how "I made millions" etc etc
and then you reply to it verbally and aloud but sarcastically (has GOT to be sarcastically or it's just not worth it brah...apparently my inner monologue possibly snowboards and is most definitely Caucasian but wears dreadlocks...side inner monologue note..totally had a friend in the ninth grade that wouldn't believe me when I told him Caucasian didn't refer to people of Asian decent).
don't know if that last line was supposed to be a question but like got abortioned early on or if I just got so caught up in the inner monologue that I lost all interest.
anywho!(yes I say anywho I'm one of THOSE people)
I'm RSR, I'm insane(partially, but hey aren't we all) and I'm a ramblin'
so stay tuned(but like not pin point accuracy tuned..cause I DO still have some semblance of a life to lead lol and I hope you do too but if you don't ya know it's cool, I don't judge..that's a lie I totally judge) for more InsanityRambles, From The Mind of RSR!
I'm still new to this blogging thing so, bare with me!
As stated you should at least vaguely guess why I am here and devoting my time to writing this blog. I've decided to finally take this approach, to build up a following and an audience of loyal and dedicated readers that I could tap into when my first novel(and several shorter novellas) gets released.
I'll let details and tid bits about moi spill out and trickle down over time. For now just know that I'm a rambler and yes I'm most likely insane!
lol
To want to be a writer, I suppose you'd have to be at least partially insane.
I tried to get away from this lifestyle but it calls to me, by which I mean the ideas that swirl around inside my brain crane just wont slow down and writing them out, fleshing them out so they are detailed and well rounded, it just calms it all down.
Go ahead, google that away and webMD me ;) haha
jk but I'd totally do that and then have pseudo-evil genius thoughts about how I totally just "solved" this random online lunat...I mean person :D
hmm
speaking of rambling...(not that anyone was...what are these parenthesis for anyways..inner monologues?..) you ever get those pop-ups where it talks about how "I made millions" etc etc
and then you reply to it verbally and aloud but sarcastically (has GOT to be sarcastically or it's just not worth it brah...apparently my inner monologue possibly snowboards and is most definitely Caucasian but wears dreadlocks...side inner monologue note..totally had a friend in the ninth grade that wouldn't believe me when I told him Caucasian didn't refer to people of Asian decent).
don't know if that last line was supposed to be a question but like got abortioned early on or if I just got so caught up in the inner monologue that I lost all interest.
anywho!(yes I say anywho I'm one of THOSE people)
I'm RSR, I'm insane(partially, but hey aren't we all) and I'm a ramblin'
so stay tuned(but like not pin point accuracy tuned..cause I DO still have some semblance of a life to lead lol and I hope you do too but if you don't ya know it's cool, I don't judge..that's a lie I totally judge) for more InsanityRambles, From The Mind of RSR!
Who you are... what's underneath.
I was a 90s baby I was born in that time. my formative years were spent growing up in that time. I'm a product of the time I was born in, the time I grew up in. The 90's shaped who I am and for better or for worse that's who I am today. This is an introduction, this is a starting point, this is my beginning. We all have beginnings, sometimes those beginnings lead to something great but most of the time they just lead on and that's not always a bad thing because life needs the people who don't do great things and that may sound odd or even insulting but it's not. Without the people who do not go on to do great things there wouldn't be people who do go on to do great things. Where I fit into that it's unknown.its all up in the air right now at least. Maybe I will go on to do something great more likely I won't and that's okay, I've accepted that most likely I'm just going to be a regular everyday person and to an extent that's all I want. However for that small part of me that burns for something more, that burns to be or do something great, that's the reason I'm writing this today ,that's the reason I'm pushing forward through the fear and the doubt I'm pushing forward for that small (and it's a very small) chance that maybe just maybe I could be or do something great. Now to elaborate, by great I mean any large or small contribution to the overall whole of society in any needed or unneeded way. In my case I'm leaning towards literature. Now it doesn't have to be great literature to be great because some of the stuff that's popular, what gains the largest following isn't always some of the best written literature but it sells and resonates with an audience. I want to carve out my own little space in between all of those stories out there and build my own following. Now there's a big part of me that doubts myself but I've seen all the things that have succeeded in the modern literary world and its clear. Today you don't have to write great to be great all you need is the right story, to get people interested,to keep them reading and to help them escape. If you can do all that, then by today's standards you're great. it sounds easy but in reality it's not, if it was then all the books that have been self published would be selling a lot more. it's still an amazing feat for someone to put a piece of themselves out there like that, so anyone who writes a book and decides to publish it, it takes a lot and they are great in their own way but not in that big way that's noticed. I know how hard it is, I've been trying to write pretty much anything book related for 3 years at least.to sum it up a lot of life happened, a lot of s*** storms that I had to sail through. there were so many times when I wanted to just end it in many ways, to just walk away from everything but I could not just do that after everything I tried to put into this walking away just didn't seem possible. I'm finally trying a different approach and that's what brings us here. This first post will be one in a long line up of insights that are mostly non essential, random,at times pretty pointless.as the name says though insanity rambles so come along for the ride and enjoy all that I am offering from the mind of RSR.
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